Holding your baby on the day of their birth is magical, I looked at my son with all the hopes and dreams that everyone envisions for their child. I pictured him as Dr., a athlete, a husband, a father....... There is a security of holding them in your arms, a feeling that you can protect them for the cruel realities of life. There is such a vulnerability that a parent feels when they learn that their child is not "neurologically normal", "typical developing" or the brutal word 'normal'. You go through all the emotions that one would when they loose their child. It was a nightmare, like living it all over again. You may cry , you will definitely deny, you get angry and then most try to bargain "if they just have normal Iq's Lord, I can deal with this" etc....and I'm told you reach this place of acceptance.
I consider myself blessed because my son didn't get labeled developmentally delayed until 6 months so I had time to enjoy him without worry and bathe him in nothing but pure innocent mommy love for a few precious months, Once it was determined something was wrong my whole world was thrown into the pit of a volcano and I spent most of those early days trying to dodge the hot burning reality of what lay ahead. Three days a week I carted my son off to therapy, sometimes more. I became fluent in the lingo of special needs parenting. now that my son is 10 I cant tell you how many times I have been asked if I work in the medical field because of the knowledge that I have learned simply by being my son's mom.
For the first time in 10 years I am able to see my son for the amazing boy that he is. instead of worrying about goals, IEP meetings, neurophysch evals, daily therapy sessions I have been given back my son. He is funny, vibrant, bright, handsome boy and yes some would say he is developmentally delayed but that is but a small part of who he is. He has taught me to enjoy today for all it is worth, to focus on the positive,encourage areas of weakness and still have great dreams and hopes for the future. To have a child with special needs is extremely challenging and rewarding. But it takes patience and knowing what he is capable of, and making him do it. My son has had set-backs, but with every one, he has come out stronger and has never lost his ability to smile and laugh. Through all his pain and suffering, he has made it, despite what others have said about his chances. He is my angel that has shown me the areas in my life that needed improvement and has made me stronger and able to deal with whatever life can throw at me. A strong will and strength to carry on with the smile he shares with the world. He is and always will be my hero.
You are my special Angel! I Thank God the day you were born. Your little hands so tiny & crippled. But your "The Survivor" I'll never mourn. Your efforts and determation to obtain your goals,I watch with PRIDE as they do unfold. Always remember you have power's you never dream of,You can do things you never thought you could.There are no limitation's in WHAT you can do, Dont think you cannot, think you can cause you are special YOU! You have taught me patience to rejoice in small gains which others take for granted. You have taught me tolerance to accept that your perspective is different and deserves respect. You have taught me courage to fight for you when no one else will. You have taught me endurance to go on when I feel I can't any more. You have taught me humility to accept when I can't make things better but can only be here for you. You have taught me to love at a deeper level than I ever thought possible.I Love you baby boy; Mommy
I no longer mourn a loss, I celebrate the "VICTORY" of my angel son Alexandar, whole once again in God's Great Kingdom and the "Life" of my son Alan Jerome I so adore and cherrish that is with me today!
©RLA 11/08
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